i've been thinking about bill hicks and frank zappa all afternoon

i've spent the past few weeks in research mode, so my creative work has been a bit stifled.  every so often i have an artistic identity crisis and have to stop what i'm doing in order to evaluate, validate, and appreciate who the hell i think i am.

it was the same when i was acting full-time.  i would suddenly realize that i was trying to stuff myself into some pre-dug hole - "WHORE" "SOCCER MOM" "QUIRKY FRIEND" "LAWYER".  the hardest lesson i've had to learn in my tenure as an artist is to just be my own goddamn self.

yesterday, as i was reviewing some of my work for a show submission, i found myself once again pinned down to some nebulous idea of what art photography is and isn't, based on what's popular.  sometimes, instead of shooting and showing the work i'd like to, i kowtow to this illusory construct of what is respectable, salable, and innovative.

bianca gutberlet, one of the many international talents i've circled with on google+ wrote a bit about berlin in one of her statements.  she said it's a place which values authenticity over perfection.  as an LA resident, angsty artist, and unwilling perfectionist, this insight hit me hard.  that's what we're all after, isn't it?  we want to be appreciated for who the hell we think we are, but so oft we end up adopting other peoples' nutbag ideas about who the hell to be!